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  "No, it's not." He turned toward her. He had to tell her everything. He ached to touch her, but kept his distance. "What Axel said this morning was only about the first date. It had nothing to do with what happened that night or anytime afterward."

  "So I'm not a business deal gone haywire?"

  The word haywire sent a current through him. His gaze narrowed and he tried to make sense of what she just said. "What?"

  She curled her arm around her waist again. "You went out with me because of a business..." She lowered her gaze and clenched her hands into fists. "Well, curiosity is the best word I have at the moment. Then you married me because of my actions at Morgan Enterprises and you wanted the stock back."

  Their wedding sounded cold and mechanical in that description. Tess had been nothing but an easy, wondrous gift that showed up unexpectedly. The ring box burned in his pocket. This wasn't just business.

  "That's not entirely true. I agreed to the merger so we would have free time to be together. I want to take you to the places you haven’t seen yet."

  Her eyes widened. His hand brushed against hers and she didn’t jerk it away. "That's why you did it?"

  Offer her more than expected.

  The thought hit him like a hammer to a nail. He showed the ring box to her. "I want us to travel, set up a home, have a family."

  Tears welled in her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hand. Part of him wished those were happy tears, but he suspected this wasn't going well. She lowered her hand and wiped her eyes. "That sounds amazing, but do you love me?"

  "Love?" The word hit him like a baseball bat swinging for a ball, only the ball was his skull. Love was heartache and pain. Tess and he should not look to repeat doom.

  She curled her other hand around her waist and hugged herself. "Yes, love. Mitch, I need to know how you feel about me."

  Feel. Feelings brought up nothing but pain. Enjoying each other did not need feelings. He had to find the right words. "Tess, I care about you deeply."

  She pushed the ring box toward him. She stood and stared out the window. "Then we are not on the same page and this marriage will lead to a horrible end. We aren't going to work, so please have your lawyers draw up divorce papers as soon as it's good for business."

  "Divorce?!" His heart constricted as he jumped up. The thought of losing Tess made every muscle in his body heavy and tense. There had to be something he could do.

  She never looked at him as she stared out the window at a palm tree. "Mitch, please go."

  If he didn't stop this now, he'd lose the one person who mattered. His pulse quickened. "No... Wait, Tess."

  She turned, her arms crossed. No tears flowed, but her eyes were sad. "What else is there?"

  He placed the unopened box on her coffee table and stood closer to her. The air smelled like raspberry. "Tess, my father claimed to love my mother, but all that did was hurt her. My mother said she loved my father, but that infatuation led her to heartache and depression. I'm not weak. Love is a drug for people who use it as an excuse for bad behavior."

  She lowered her arms. "Mitch, that's not the kind of love I had growing up.”

  Love wasn't a good thing and shouldn't ruin their future. "I don't understand."

  She became lost in her words that must have evoked memories. "My parents met at a mutual friend’s house party in college. They dated, and after college, they both landed their jobs at Morgan Enterprises. My dad asked my mom to marry and they planned a big wedding. Two years later, they had me. They chose each other. To this day, my mother and I still miss my dad.”

  “I’m sorry about your father. I’m sure he was a great man.”

  “He was. Growing up, I felt safe and secure because my parents both loved each other. Ask your sister, who grew up with my family, what she thinks about love. If she is like you, all she has is cynicism and loneliness in her future, but I'd bet money she knows how families can work out.”

  “Not everyone has that luck.”

  “Yes, I know not everyone had what I did, but it's what I want to create for myself and any children I might have one day."

  She made her life sound idyllic and like the families he only ever saw on television or in the movies. None of the imagery mattered when he stared into Tess’s brown eyes. He dropped his hands to his sides.

  "Tess, I can't promise what I don't know."

  She curled her arms around her waist again. "Are you willing to try?"

  If only he could, but he'd not let anyone go through the agony his mother had suffered. "What are you asking?"

  "Are you willing to open your heart and love me?"

  Love. The word drummed into his skull. It wasn't real, but for Tess, he was willing to do anything. How did he try to create something impossible? He pressed his lips together. "I don't know."

  She flinched. "Mitch, you said your mother loved your father, but that her love wasn't returned in the way she wanted."

  Everything was going so wrong, but he had to protect Tess. It wasn't fair to ruin her life with dreams and illusions. "Yeah. It's why I can't do that to you."

  She nodded. "Then it's too late. If we don't stop now, you're asking me to marry a man who can't love me in return. Maybe some other girl might be willing to try that, but I deserve to be happy and in love with someone who loves me back."

  She walked around him and headed toward the door. His stance widened. This wasn't how he’d planned the day. She unlocked the door as he said, "Don't do this, Tess."

  She turned, her cheeks wet. She brushed her hand against her face, sighed, and pointed at the door. "Do what? Insist that my feelings matter. Mitch, it's time for you to go.”

  This wasn't supposed to be the end. His mind raced as his heart told him he was losing the best thing in his life. He passed her and placed his hand on the doorknob, but turned for one last shot. "Wait."

  "Why?" She stepped back to ensure there was space between them.

  "If I leave, I know I'll regret it. Tess, I can't lie to you.”

  She turned away and took a breath, then faced him again. "So what's your solution?"

  His mind was like a minefield with lots of explosions, but no solution to her question emerged. All he could see was that he’d made a huge mistake. "I don't know."

  "When you think of something, let me know."

  Nothing else came to him. He opened the door wider to leave, but his heart told him to stop. Right now, he was clueless. Losing Tess was a loss he couldn't handle. She was the gift of his life, but he’d messed everything up.

  The moment he stepped out the door, it closed behind him with a quiet click. He stared at her black apartment door. Next time he saw her, he'd find a way to make them both happy. The emptiness of life without her seemed like a vast desert with no form of life or energy.

  25

  The second she heard him pull away, Tess fell onto the carpet near her front door and cried. The need to hold herself together and not run after Mitch and believe that he might love her one day echoed through her. But the roller coaster that climbed an impossible loop only to let her crash was not the emotional journey she needed. She wiped her tears and swallowed in an attempt to breathe.

  Why did the right thing feel like a knife piercing her heart?

  Her phone rang. She stood, rubbed her eyes, and fished out her phone from her pocketbook. Caro's name flashed on the screen. She took a deep breath and hit the ACCEPT button. To keep her emotions in check, she walked to the window to see if the palm trees swayed. Unfortunately, nothing moved.

  "Tess, are you my sister-in-law now? I haven't had a chance to have a conversation with you yet."

  The wedding had been a mistake and everyone knew. She'd have to get a new job, and possibly move to avoid the topic. She plopped onto her couch. "Don't get used to it, Caro. It's temporary."

  "What? Why? What's going on?"

  All questions that she would like to avoid forever. However, she'd miss her life. She covered her head with her hand. "He married me
for business reasons. It's not like he loves me."

  "But you like him—”

  She sat straighter. "Doesn't matter. I've already been through putting my heart on the line for a man who clearly values business above me. I can't do that to myself again."

  "So what are you going to do? Only date men with no jobs or desire for any job in the future?"

  Caro made a point, but her best friend had never been left standing in a wedding dress, thinking her life was completely over. Maybe it wasn't fair to compare her situation now to her past, but she couldn't let someone else do that to her. She'd not be so vulnerable again. There was so much she could say, but all that came out of her mouth was one word.

  "No." She massaged her temples. "You are marrying the boy you fell in love with in college. You wouldn't understand."

  "Maybe not, but I'm a good listener."

  This was hard. She clutched the couch cushion. "Caro, he doesn't love me. I can't be in love with a man who doesn't love me. I can't take that risk."

  "Did Kevin tell you he loved you when you were engaged?"

  "Yes, but that was a huge lie." Her eyes misted. Crying never helped, only served to make her feel worse. She stood and hoped if she moved, she'd stop the tears.

  "So if men can lie, what does it say about a man who won't?"

  Her air conditioner clicked on, and the cold air chilled her skin. She placed her hand on her heart and felt the beat. "Mitch is a better man than Kevin ever could be. I see that, but that's not helpful. I can't be married to someone who doesn't love me."

  "Look. There is some doctor's convention this weekend that Luke has to go to. My wedding planner and I were going to fly to Grand Cayman today to pick up a few things for my wedding. Do you want to come? It might be good to get your mind off Mitch for a few days."

  She dropped her hand and imagined drinking one of those drinks with an umbrella in it until she felt numb. Mitch would probably still be in her heart, but at least she could pretend. She sighed. "I don't have a ticket."

  "We're flying on the Morgan jet."

  Of course. Morgan. Mitch. She adjusted her glasses. "I don't know. I won't be good company."

  "It's better than wallowing alone. Come. I'd like you to be there. Plus, it’ll be healthy for you."

  She'd not have the strength to say no if Mitch came back, and her heart whispered that she wanted him to. She stared at her bedroom door. How Kevin made her feel was nothing like Mitch did. She'd never have that feeling again. "Alone on a beach sounds…lonely."

  "You'll be with friends.”

  All she needed was clothes from the closet and her passport. She took a deep breath. "Okay. When are we leaving?"

  "In an hour or so. When can you be ready?"

  Ten minutes was enough, but the traffic to get there would slow her escape. "I'll pack my bag now and meet you at the airport in an hour."

  "Okay. See you there."

  She rushed around and found her bathing suit, sunblock, a few resort clothes, and her passport. The toiletries were still in the bag, and she'd buy whatever she didn't have down there. Within seven minutes, she’d packed her wheeled suitcase and called for a car. This was it. As she walked toward the door, she stared at the box with her ring.

  It wasn't good to leave that in the middle of the room. She picked it up without looking at it and put the box in her pocketbook. She slowly carried her heavy bag down the stairs, wishing for something to break the heat. The moment the car pulled to the front, she wheeled it over. She hopped in the back seat at the same time her phone rang.

  The screen showed her sister’s number. It was probably best to talk to her, despite the risk of her being loyal to her brothers. She answered the phone.

  "Oh, Tess. Thank goodness.”

  Tess’s spine stiffened. What was the matter? "Jess...or am I supposed to call you Catherine now?"

  "That would be strange coming from you. So, how did you like the ring?"

  The driver turned onto the highway. She clutched her pocketbook tighter. Bringing it would be a constant reminder that she wished things were different. "I haven't looked at it. I’m giving it back."

  "Why? Mitch loves you."

  If he loved her, he'd have told her he did. She shook her head. If he did, she'd not care that the air around her was thick and she couldn't breathe. "No. No, he doesn't."

  "Yes, he does."

  If only everything worked out because she willed it so. She narrowed her gaze. "Did he tell you that?"

  "No, but I know him. He loves you."

  “You remember him as a boy.” She let her shoulders slink backward until her skin stuck to the seat and she jerked forward. "Your brother believes love is only something that hurts people, and he couldn’t bring himself to tell me how he feels."

  "He's an idiot. I think he does, but he's messed up in the head."

  No. Excuses just delayed the inevitable. This wasn't healthy. If he loved her, he'd have told her. It wasn't fair for him to ask her to stay in the hopes that he might change. People didn’t change that much. She couldn't afford to make another mistake.

  "I can't... I can't sit around and wait for a guy in the hopes that he might love me one day. If he doesn't love me, I have to move on. I've been on that ride before and it didn’t go well."

  "So what are you going to do?"

  Survive. Lose more pieces of her shattered heart. This time, she'd hit the beach and hope a vacation numbed her. "I’m going out of town to clear my head."

  "Where are you going?"

  "To a beach."

  "That's twenty minutes from your place."

  "Yeah. This one is a little farther from home."

  "How long will you be gone?"

  "I don't know. How long does it take to forget that I fell in love with someone who isn't on the same page as me? That’s how long I should be gone.”

  "Tess..."

  In a few minutes, she'd be on a plane with her dearest friend. It was for the best. She glanced at the sign the car passed that read Airport.

  "Look, Jess, I'm happy you found your family, but I have to go now."

  "Wait..."

  She was happy her sister found everything she wanted. "Goodbye.”

  She hung up the phone and put in her pocketbook. Life hadn’t delivered a happy ending for her, after all.

  26

  Leaving Tess’s home was a mistake, but he hadn't known what to do once she kicked him out. Love wasn't something that ever ended well, but Tess believed in the idea so much, she was willing to throw their future happiness away and that scared him because it seemed so foreign.

  The moment he stepped out of the car and strolled into the opulent lobby of the Biltmore, he ran into his mother, who was dressed for the spa. Ever since meeting Isabelle, she’d been at peace. “Where are you going?” She looked behind him. “Where’s Tess?”

  "Mom, I don't know what to do." He walked to a couch in the lobby and sank down into the brocade cushion. His mom took his hand, her expression warm with worry. "Tess wants me to say 'I love you’."

  She shrugged and stared at him like he wasn’t getting a concept on his homework she thought easy. “You should.”

  Of course, she thought that. Blood drained from his face, but he pushed forward. "Love causes pain. I can't hurt her. I also can't live without her." Was this the craziness his mom had lived with?

  Fiona massaged his shoulder. "What are you going to do?"

  He sighed. "What should I do?”"

  "Don’t blame Tess for the mistake your father and I made.”

  He straightened. "I don’t blame you."

  “Yes, you do. I loved a married man. I didn’t show you that two people can live in peace and harmony. I live every second based on my feelings, but I’m an odd duck.”

  She was his example of why he shouldn’t love anyone because he still remembered her tears, every time his father left.

  And then she took him by surprise. Just as she’d done with Isabelle, she said, �
�I’m sorry, son. Can you forgive me? Love is the best feeling in the world and I hope you tell the girl you love how you feel because I can see in your eyes that you love Tess.”

  No. He couldn’t, could he? He deflated as he figured out what to do. A lie wouldn't work. If this had gone how he planned, he'd have been so happy. His gut tensed. "She kicked me out of her apartment."

  "Why?"

  Bile rose up his throat. "Because she wants love and I don’t believe that’s possible."

  His mother’s gaze seemed incredulous. "You don't love her?"

  “I…care.” His throat ached. "I can't do that to her. I won’t hurt her."

  "If she loves you and you can’t say it back, you’re hurting both of you. I see it in your eyes when you talk about her, how you feel. You love Tess. I don’t understand why you can’t admit it."

  Was she right? Did he blame her? Love made you crazy. Like he was feeling now. “This is complicated.”

  His mother shook her head. "No. It's not supposed to be this complicated." She took his hand and held it to her heart. "Let me break this down for you. How do you feel when you think of your life without Tess?"

  Right now, he felt like the Grim Reaper could come for him and he'd not argue. "Awful. Empty.”

  "Okay,” his mom said, “that’s bad. How do you feel when you're with her?"

  Near Tess, the sunshine lit up every dark corner of his life. Her presence alone calmed him and made him feel like he belonged. "Peaceful."

  "There are different kinds of love and it’s not one-size-fits-all. Your father and I were not the best example, but you don’t have to be like us. You can define love, your way, in how you just told me you felt.”

  Damn it. He stood. "Yeah." He’d been a fool. The words mattered to her and he should have said them—by trying to protect her from crazy emotion, all he’d done was hurt her. He glanced at the door. "Okay, I have to go."

  Fiona nudged him. "Call me later."

  “I will. Thanks.” He turned and ran to the door. He needed to tell Tess that he loved her.

  Too many minutes later, he banged on her apartment door, but no one answered. He called out, "Tess! Where are you?"